We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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