when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
