I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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