I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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