She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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