Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
