Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I supernannyed him into submission
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
