In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
where are my eyebrows?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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