i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
