i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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