How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
