His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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