I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
