I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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