why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
