Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
