I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
no, he came in my armpit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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