I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
