You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
