I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
