Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
