Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
