We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
