And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
