Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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