I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
