Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
