Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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