overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
