So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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