DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the day after is always just damage control
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
