She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
