i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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