remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dick very happy bro
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
