i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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