i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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