The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Text me some of your sweat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
