This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
