3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
