Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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