My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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