oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
