She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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