Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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