you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
