carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
