She's JV to your varsity
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
