also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
