His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize