i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
