maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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