"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
