I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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