you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
