A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
