I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
