pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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