A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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