you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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