When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
