the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
