I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
