I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
