....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
