the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize