Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
