He uses pillows to masturbate.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
