my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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