Soap is not a condiment
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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