mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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