the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
