am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
