I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
