He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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