Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
