Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
