There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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