you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
