matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
