You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
