I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
