Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
