we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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