hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
