The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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