New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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