doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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