____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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