May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i out mim tonsoeep
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